Dear S, It’s not news to you that I’ve been a mess this weekend. I keep trying to put a finger on how I feel, but keep coming up short. Motherhood has stretched me to the outer limits of all the emotions I’ve ever felt, sometimes in both directions at once. This weekend I’ve felt a new breed of exhaustion, I think. It’s the exhaustion that comes from having a week where I haven’t showered alone or eaten with two…
Dear Z, I wish that I could have protected our time together this evening, but I found myself referencing a particularly difficult social situation even as we were lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. We had plenty to talk about that day without it. You and I are never short for topics of conversation, one of the many reasons I continue falling more deeply in love with you. Thinking about the huge part that conversation has played in our…
Talking to our friends, I told them I didn’t mind having our son sleep in bed with us. “He needs to be close to another human. Besides, he’s really cute.” The husband pointed at me and said, “but you get to go to work in the morning.” This weekend, I was so excited for a day off together. Sleeping in, making coffee, maybe even having sex if our son took a long enough nap. Besides, we were going to go…
Dear Z, Before our son had taken his first deep breath, the doctor returned to the end of your bed and began stitching you back together. Before the nurse handed him to me for the first time, you carried him for nine months, had your skin pierced with countless needles, burst your body open for his entrance into the world. And there I was by your side, body fully intact, meeting my child for the first time, and already miles…