Talking to our friends, I told them I didn’t mind having our son sleep in bed with us. “He needs to be close to another human. Besides, he’s really cute.” The husband pointed at me and said, “but you get to go to work in the morning.” This weekend, I was so excited for a day off together. Sleeping in, making coffee, maybe even having sex if our son took a long enough nap. Besides, we were going to go…
Dear Z, When we drove to our friends’ house, my nerves were so shot by the end that I could barely speak. I had spent the trip in the back of the car, sitting with our son in case he needed some soothing words on the way. Typically, you sit in the back with J. He cries here and there for a few minutes, but he is usually on a trajectory towards sleep as soon as his little eyes open…
Dear Z, Before our son had taken his first deep breath, the doctor returned to the end of your bed and began stitching you back together. Before the nurse handed him to me for the first time, you carried him for nine months, had your skin pierced with countless needles, burst your body open for his entrance into the world. And there I was by your side, body fully intact, meeting my child for the first time, and already miles…
Dear J, You are a marvel to us. Your body is a marvel to us. You are a five month old in nine month old’s clothing, growing so quickly that it’s early March and most of your clothes are tiny t-shirts and shorts, covered in anchors and sailboats. Summer has arrived early in our household. And I have never seen such constant movement. Out of empathetic curiosity, we sometimes lie down beside you on our stomachs, kicking our legs in…
Dear J, Until the moment I met you, I could not conceive of you existing, of occupying space separate from us. And the moment you arrived, when your head suddenly burst into the room, your face scrunched and ruddy, I lost my grasp for words. I tried calling your grandparents, to tell them to come up, but only tears and gasps were left to me. They listened, asked questions, but words did not come to me. It was enough of…